


For the Things We See

by dropsofmars



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Character's Name Spelled as Jaeger, College Student Eren Yeager, Do not post or copy onto another site, Lawyer Erwin Smith, M/M, Not Beta Read, Older Man/Younger Man, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22703467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dropsofmars/pseuds/dropsofmars
Summary: Erwin is what he calls a broken man. He is well past his prime and is weathered down by the years.Eren is what he calls a nobody. Someone who comes from nothing and has nothing. He's not worth anything.Both of them have experienced and lived through what no one else wants to go through, and by cheer chance, meet each other. Slowly they grow closer and start to heal each other's wounds, becoming the whole to their half.Despite the things they've seen, they show each other they're lovable and have so much more to offer than they first thought.Join them as they navigate this harsh world together and see that maybe it's not so bad if you have someone right by your side.
Relationships: Erwin Smith/Eren Yeager
Comments: 8
Kudos: 25





	1. Prologue: When you look at me

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is going to be mentioned later in the story, but just for everyone's sake, Eren is 21 and Erwin is 35

Breathing lightly, as if afraid that any sudden movement may cause his email to disappear, a dark-haired silhouette sat in the soft glow of his computer screen, world otherwise dark around him. He sat in anticipatory silence, palms sweaty from anxiety.

It wasn’t a dire situation that caused him to fret so, but his own personal hell that he brought upon himself.

_ Was this a bad idea? Probably. Everyone knows he doesn’t accept interviews. What makes me think I’d be the exception? It doesn’t hurt to try though? Maybe it does. What if I embarrass myself? I should probably say it was a mistake or that I take it back. Yeah. _

Although he tried to stick to that last resolution, he found himself continuing to doubt his resolve. His hesitation prevented him from fully grasping the situation, instead he continually focused on the what-ifs and if-Is, getting himself deeper in the rabbithole until he wasn’t sure that he could get himself.

But he did.

He came to the conclusion that whatever his intentions, he wouldn’t get a VIP ticket simply because he was a nobody asking to meet a somebody. Helping the disadvantaged was so last year anyway.

And so, mind reluctantly made up, he reached out toward his laptop and started typing up another email. Except, as he was in the middle of forming his new email, his inbox pinged with the arrival of a new message. He paused with an incredulous air, hysteric doubt and denial starting to claw at him.

_ Wh-what? No...it couldn’t be right? Surely his administration doesn’t answer emails at-, _ he looked at the corner of his screen, - _ 1:30 in the morning. It's probably something else. _

Swallowing nervously, he looked around the inky room, searching for an answer amongst the darkness. When he didn’t find the answer he so desperately craved in the shadows of his room, he closed his current email and checked his inbox, eyes widening in shock when he saw that an email addressed to him from The Wings of Freedom Law Firm was indeed sitting there.

It looked harmless enough, but he knew the truth. Now it was only a matter of being strong enough to view its contents. 

Throat dry and eyes glued to the email, he was uncomprehending of how he managed to get an interview with the most prestigious lawyer he’s ever heard of in his entire life. One that was notoriously known to turn down interviews.

But before he could continue to question what he was about to do, he quickly typed an email confirming the date and time before slamming his laptop shut and pushing it away as if it burned it. It was a dangerous thing to continue having in his hands.

And despite what he read, despite what he saw, he couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that he, a simple university student, managed to snag an interview when others of a higher status could not. Was this reality?

What made him the exception? Luck? Curiosity?

He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, humming softly in the quiet room. Try as he might, he couldn’t stop seeing the email. It sang to him. And oh, that beginning. It seemed quite personal, did it not?

“Dear Mr. Eren Jaeger...”


	2. Chapter 1: When I look at you

The chill of the winter air bit at the blond, sculpted face of Erwin Smith, a distant man who sheltered many scars, most of which came from his time in the war. He was no longer apart of the force, preferring the quiet silence of life to nurse his wounds. He, along with the enigmatic Levi Ackerman, were considered valued war veterans. Both men had forged a strong friendship while serving in the war, and had both decided to retire together. Now, they worked alongside one another in a prestigious law firm called The Wings of Freedom.

Sometimes it felt like it was perpetually cold here, in Erwin’s opinion. Always felt too impersonal and lonely to house any kind of warmth. Luckily Sina had an excuse, as it was currently snowing here. Sina itself was a rather small but elegant town overflowing with wealth and tranquility. Even in the snow it looked lively and opulent, like a scene from a movie. Erwin supposed it was. Sina was used in many Christmas movies after all.

It still did nothing to warm him.

The white flakes that came with winter fell from the pale sky and coated his head in a dainty layer, freezing the gel styling his blond hair. Though it looked too perfect to resemble anything natural, it did not take away his beauty and instead only served to make him look even more ethereal. A human Adonis.

Trudging though the snowbank, Erwin reflected on his choices. Were they the right ones? Was this life the one he always wanted? Sure he was perhaps now one of the wealthiest men in all of Sina, but money held no sentiment. No comfort or warmth. It could not buy love or happiness. He was just a broken man with money for company. Without permission, a sigh escaped his lips with that sorrowful thought. Dwelling on his life would not improve it. He breathed deeply before opening his eyes and looking ahead. He had arrived in front of the massive building that housed his office. The Wings of Freedom. _Home_.

As soon as his foot stepped onto the worn, ebony wood of the lobby, a familiar voice greeted him. Well, if you considered a non-greeting as a greeting that is.

“About time you got here.”

Erwin heaved a gusty sigh of fond exasperation before turning to face him, small smiling toying at the edge of his lips. Levi’s gruff exterior was like a balm to his frayed nerves. Always consistent and there, it was a comfort that never ceased to calm him.

“Good morning to you too, Levi. I hope that you slept well?”

Levi was terrifying. Not in the way that people most would assume. What with his aloofness and sharp tongue, but more in the sense of his intellect. He was able to win nearly every single case thrown at him. Nothing seemed to be too much for him, as if he possessed skills no other contained. It was very reminiscent of his time in the forces. Humanity’s strongest soldier indeed. Erwin could admit that he was in awe of his skills. Maybe even a little envious. But never jealous.

“No, I didn’t. Why the fuck are you late?”

“Never change Levi, never change.”

“Answer the question, Eyebrows.”

Erwin raised his hands in a placating gesture while continuing on towards the elevator, unaffected, as Levi kept pace.

“I overslept.”

Levi’s reply was instintaneous, seeming to expect this answer. “You never oversleep.” 

Erwin did not grace him with an answer. He didn’t have to. And that said enough about his predicament. Thus silence settled over both men as they entered the elevator. It was not uncomfortable, per say, but he could feel all the unsaid things in the still air. All the things that weren’t answered in his refusal to respond.

It caused Levi to stare intensely at Erwin’s profile, letting out a quiet sigh that signaled his defeat when he couldn’t get Erwin to crack. Finally, he shook his head before continuing.

“I heard an interesting rumor today.”

Erwin swallowed in relief before quirking an eyebrow, pressing a button that would take them to the highest floor at the same time. He then turned to his smaller companion with crossed arms. He knew where this was heading, but he decided he’d bite. He'll play Levi's game.

“Do tell.”

“I heard that you’ve got a brat coming over from Rose University.”

Both men stepped out of the elevator when it came to a stop at their floor, Erwin gesturing to Levi to follow him to his office.

“Really now? That’s interesting. Would you mind telling me where you heard this rumor?”

“Erwin. Don’t play stupid with me.”

He admitted his loss in the form of an answer. “I was interested in seeing what would happen. He had emailed Molbit asking if he could interview me. Explained it was for an English paper. I decided to accept.”

As Erwin removed his beige overcoat and placed it on the back of his chair, he observed Levi, looking for his response. He knew it was coming. It was only a matter of waiting.

“Why’d you accept?”

There it was.

Erwin sat down on his chair, posture loose but eyes tight. Just because he was expecting it, it didn’t make answering it any easier. Focusing on formulating his response, he briefly closed his eyes, reliving his entire life and the decisions that came with it. He wished he didn’t relive it as often as he did. All the things he’s seen…. After a few heartbeats of silence he finally reopened his eyes and spoke. 

“I was interested in what he was curious about.”

Levi didn’t miss a beat. “But you already know what he’s going to ask.”

“You don’t know that for sure, Levi.”

Levi looked at Erwin with a level stare, though Erwin knew Levi was adept at hiding his thoughts and emotions. Anything could be hidden behind that expertly crafted veil.

“Erwin.” Levi repeated, unyielding in his persistence.

Erwin returned Levi’s stare with the same intensity, though his previously loose body language was now stiff. It’s not that he didn’t appreciate Levi’s concern, and it’s not like it was unfounded, but he was a grown adult. He was old enough to understand what his limits were and when they were met.

“Levi, I appreciate your concern, however I’m sure I can handle anything that happens.”

Levi knew this was his dismissal, yet he waited for a few moments. For what, Erwin could guess, but not confirm. He didn’t want to put words in Levi’s mouth afterall. Then he waited a couple more. When Levi knew Erwin wasn’t going to acknowledge him any further, he opened the heavy wood door and left, letting it close on its own. It was done with a sour mood, Erwin was sure.

He ended up staring at the oak door with tired eyes even after Levi had left the room, a heaviness settling in his chest. And suddenly, without much thought required, he felt tired. He wanted to apologize, he knew Levi had a right to worry. But instead of chasing after the shorter man to fix his mistake, he pulled out a folder that contained a client’s case, and a pen.

Time to get some work done.


	3. Chapter 2: Do you see all the things I keep hidden?

“Eren, hurry up! You’re going to be late for your interview!”

A head of long, chocolate brown hair bounced lightly as its owner, Eren, hopped on one foot, trying desperately to get his other foot into the charcoal shoe. It was no easy task given Eren wasn’t exactly the most graceful of people to be found. Which was demonstrated when his foot slipped into the dress shoe. He fell to the carpeted floor of his messy room in a crumpled heap, pride bruised.

“Ow.”

Eren was a youthful looking teenager, adorned with huge multicolored eyes that existed only in fairytales and shoulder length hair that framed his face. He wasn’t vain about his appearance, but he did at least try to maintain it. Something that he was secretly proud of.

“Eren?”

“I’m fine, Armin! Don’t worry about it!”

Eren pulled himself up from the messy floor, pulling at his clothes aggressively afterwards in a futile attempt to straighten them out. Of course it didn’t work, but there was something to be said about his valiant effort. When he finished fiddling with his outfit, he looked to the mirror as a reference point, but grimaced at his attire when faced with how it looked like on him. It didn’t scream “professional interview.” Just plucky college student.

“I should...probably change. Yeah.”

He looked around at the clothes strewn floor as if it’d yield a miracle in the form of a presentable outfit, but no such luck. He sighed morosely while dragging a hand down the left side of his face, messing up his already messy hair even more. Shaking his head determinedly at some silent thought, he stood up straight to remove his shirt, throwing it wherever once he got it off, and walking over to his closet to snatch another one out from it. Eren quickly slipped on the new, and slightly wrinkled, shirt once he had made his pick and he threw on a soft, thin scarf to not only complete his look, but to also shield him from the frosty chill of the outside. He debated how the interview would go as he nabbed messenger bag and checked his phone, hoping that it would go according to plan as he proceeded to rush down the staircase. And just as he was about to trip and fall, his hand quickly grabbed onto the railing before he could crash to the floor, and righted himself to continue his haste.

“Armin?”

“I’m over here.” Came the soft, almost delicate reply Eren’s best friend.

Upon rounding the corner, Eren saw the familiar crop of blond hair and sky blue eyes. He was currently bundled up like similar to Eren himself, but had a more sophisticated edge to it. Armin always did have a knack for dressing like an old man, today was no different. Except that it benefited him this time. Damn. Said man stood up from the bent over position he had been tying his shoe in and looked at Eren.

“Are you done, Eren?” He asked, with a gaze that was not unkind, but critical.

It made Eren look himself over before glancing back at Armin. He hesitated as he realized he probably still wasn’t presentable for an interview. Especially for one he held high in esteem. Seeming to sense his hesitation, Armin grabbed his own satchel and walked over to Eren, bumping shoulders with him in reassurance.

“Come on.”

Eren led the way out the door and waited for Armin to exit, cheeks already pink from the cold. Once the both of them were outside, Eren fished his keys out of the side pocket of his bag and locked up, continuing on his way once he was satisfied with the security of their apartment. He couldn’t leave Mikasa vulnerable as she slept afterall. What kind of brother would he be then?

As both teenagers walked towards the subway, Eren casually checked his phone for the time.

Uh oh.

“Fuck! We gotta go, Armin!” 

He grabbed Armin’s hand and dragged him to the subway entrance in record time. Taking on two stairs at a time, he quickly ran towards the terminal that belonged to the train he needed. Eren skidded to a stop, Armin very nearly crashing into him. Eren let go of his hand and quickly boarded the train, taking out his metrocard to pay. Once he finished, he collapsed onto a stiff seat. It felt like heaven though. Armin plopped down next to him, huffing from the lack of oxygen. The train doors closed as Eren felt a weak punch from his left, causing him to heave a breathy laugh.

“We would’ve been on time if it weren’t for you taking so long.”

“Yeah, yeah. We still caught it.” He dismissed, too ecstatic to take Armin’s chide to heart.

Eren relished in the few quiet moments of stillness as they found their equilibrium again before languidly sitting up to pull out a notepad. Grasping his wood pencil weakly, he lazily began jotting down questions that seemed important to him. His muscles felt too loose and tired to write with any sort of urgency. A bit jittery. Without much thought, he quickly styled his hair into a messy bun to keep the hair out of his face as he was growing tired of having to constantly tuck it behind his ears. It was mostly effective except for those rebellious loose strands.

“Eren.”

What should he have for dinner later? Curry? Miso? Yakisoba? Yakisoba. That sounds good. Yakisoba it was. Wait. Wasn’t he supposed to be writing?

“Eren!”

Eren’s head snapped up, eyes simultaneously both sharp and distracted. He had been so engrossed in his work and his thoughts, he hadn’t been aware of time flying by.

“Huh?

“We’re here.”

He looked around, noting that the train had just arrived at the terminal.

“Oh.”

Removing the nub of pink eraser out of his mouth, he checked his phone and saw he still had a couple of minutes to spare. He stood up, straightened his clothes, and shuffled to the automatic doors, Armin following closely behind. Conversation flowed easily between both teens as they exited the train, walking towards Eren’s intended location.

“Armin you’re _so_ lucky your interview at a later time. It’s too early to be this worked up. Too early to be awake, period. At least you’re with me.”

Armin rolled his eyes, but refrained from commenting. He was used to waking up early as one of his classes starts at 7:30 on Thursdays.

“By the way, who’re you interviewing again?”

“Dot Pixis. What about you?”

Sweat formed on Eren’s forehead when Armin’s question finally registered. Deciding that looking ahead was his best option, he did so, pace never faltering or delaying despite his erratic heart. His clammy grip tightened around his notepad unconsciously from the anxiety of having to have this conversation with Armin. Oh how he didn’t want to see Armin’s reaction when he put two and two together.

But maybe he might as well rip the bandaid right off.

And that’s how he ended up looking at the aforementioned person with a neutral expression, eyes trying to convey his message without actually saying anything, as he tucked his crinkled notepad in the side pocket of his bag at the same time. Waiting for shit to hit the fan.

He could tell the exact moment realization hit Armin like a freight train.

“No...Eren. You’re lying.” Eren fidgeted under Armin’s searing gaze. “Are you serious!?”

He was not particularly fond roasting alive, did you know? And boy did this feel like he was being burned alive. He was pretty sure the left side of his face was now on fire. About 85% sure really.

“Eren. How on earth did you get an appointment with the Erwin Smith!? I thought he declined every interview?”

Eren couldn’t help but notice the scandalized whisper Armin seemed to have said this. It egged him on in a way he knew he couldn’t fight even if he wanted to.

“He does. Well, he did. To be honest, I don’t know how I did it. It’s a blur.” He responded in a whisper similar to Armin’s, giddiness making him playful.

Armin was left speechless. Even once they arrived at the law firm he still hadn’t managed to regain his ability to speak. Lucky for Eren because he was sure Armin would lecture him on professionalism and getting to interviews early. Especially for someone as important as Erwin Smith. Whatever. He had 10 minutes before he was supposed to be in there anyways. That was good enough, wasn’t it?

Eren’s lips formed a hard line and he paled a bit when he took in how ornate the lobby looked. Feeling much too poor to be here, he turned his head around in hopes of seeing something that remotely resembled Great Value only to see two men in black suits standing by the glass doors instead.

_God, they even have security. What kinda place is this?_

Eren risked a glance at Armin, who _still_ looked shocked. If even the All-Knowing Armin was still shocked, then this situation was definitely something outta Eren’s league.

They looked at each other briefly before saying a quick goodbye, many things left unsaid for later. After a minute or so, Eren was the first to pull away and walk up to the building once he was sure Armin was ready to let go too. He flashed his laminate at one of the suits, turning his head back to see Armin still staring at him. Armin waved at him just as the security guard stepped aside to let Eren enter. Eren waved back.

Once he entered, he made a beeline for the reception desk, hand fiddling with the key around his neck. The receptionist seated there smiled at him kindly when he approached her, though it did very little to calm his rapid pulse.

“Hi. I’m Eren Jaeger? I’m here for my 8 o’clock interview with Mr. Erwin Smith?”

She smiled again and turned to her computer, quickly tapping away at the keys until she paused and looked back up at Eren.

 _She has a very pretty smile_. Eren thought idly.

“I see you’re listed for his 8 o’clock. Please wait as I alert Mr. Smith of your arrival.”

Eren’s mouth dried up upon hearing confirmation that this was real. He was about to meet the Erwin Smith. Absorbed as he was in his fretting, he jolted back to reality at hearing the phone’s click as it was placed back in it’s holder. He hadn’t even heard her talk on the phone.

“Alright, Mr. Jaeger. You’re all set. He’s waiting for you on the 3rd floor in room 300.”

“Thanks.”

Despite his best efforts, nerves got a hold of him as he started towards the elevator, causing him to bite his lip in worry. What if he fucked this up? By the time he stepped foot in the elevator, his bottom lip was slightly swollen and red.

After couple of seconds he finally noticed the other person there. Something, perhaps self-preservation, made him instantly glance away, the piercing glare causing chills to run through him at a rapid fire pace. Too bad he didn’t get a good look before turning his head. He might’ve recognized the other man. Oh well. Eren bolted out of the elevator once he heard the blessed ding.

He navigated through the halls nervously, reading the increasing numbers until he reached a door plated with Erwin’s name, nervousness eating away at his resolve.

_This is it._

Taking a deep breath, he rapped on the door thrice, heart thumping in time with his knocks. Time seemed to slow down and suddenly all that mattered was that door and what lied beyond it. After what seemed like hours, but in reality was probably only a couple of seconds, he heard the muffled response of Erwin's deep voice.

“Come in.”

_Holy shit, his voice is much deeper in person!_

With much trepidation and nervous excitement, Eren pushed open the door and swallowed when he noticed how lavish Erwin’s office was. It was even more expensive looking than the reception floor! Though the room did seem comfier than the reception floor. Warmer and more welcoming. He could appreciate that.

For a split second he forgot himself, forgot his nervousness, so he looked around in wonder, before he remembered the very important man sitting behind the dark mahogany desk. And suddenly Eren was nervous again. Said man straightened up from his hunched over form, pen still in hand and looking entirely too handsome to be sitting in some desk job.

 _“_ Erwin Smith….” Eren breathed.

He was incredibly attractive. Beautiful, even. Too bad there weren't many pictures of him. Eren was sure he’d admire them any chance he could. Though, the ones that do exist don't hold a candle to the real deal, not by a long shot. Eren forgot to breath for a second.

Erwin’s pale, flawless skin and perfectly blond hair screamed “nice to meet you. Now if you excuse me, I’m off to a photoshoot because obviously I’m a model and that’s my job. Duh” and “you’re _way_ out of my league”. Yet his eyes told a different story. Sure they were a nice lovely, light blue, a beautiful crystal meant to be adored, but they were also chips of ice, something cold and unforgiving and intense. Eyes that could see into your soul and strip it down until the foundation of who you were was bared for them to see. Eren shivered.

Erwin opened his mouth to speak, voice made of dark satin, white teeth on display as he smiled. 

_That should be illegal._

“Ah, you must be Mr. Jaeger. Pleased to meet you.” He stood up and walked around his desk with an outstretched hand. 

Eren returned the gesture with a weak smile and an outstretched hand of his own. Erwin’s hands dwarfed Eren’s and his grip was firm and self-assured. Damn that’s hot.

_Focus! Jesus Christ. You can admire him later._

“The pleasure’s all mine, Mr. Smith. Thank you for having me.”

Erwin gestured for Eren to sit before returning to his chair, chin resting on his clasped hands as if he was analyzing Eren. It was intense, and he found himself fidgeting under his scrutiny, face hot under Erwin’s burning stare. It was worse than Armin staring at him. A thousand times worse.

He looked up in attention when he heard a throat being cleared in what was the previously quiet room. Erwin was looking at him with expectant patience, further embarrassing him.

"Oh yes! Sorry."

Eren fumbled with the pocket of his bag, pulling out his rumpled notepad along with a pen as soon as he got it open. Without any preamble, he flipped through the pages until he found the one containing his chicken scratch questions. Glancing at the crinkled page briefly, he swallowed to wetten his mouth, it suddenly have gone dry when he remembered whose office he was sitting in. He flashed Erwin a watery smile, confidence diluted with nervousness, before he continued.

“Hi, I’m Eren Jaeger, a student from Rose University and I'm here to ask you a few questions, with your permission of course.”

Erwin returned Eren’s smile with one of his own, though his was more professional. A polite and neutral smile reserved for the public. Was it practiced? Or has he used it so many times it was practically second nature.

“I’m Erwin Smith, a partner in the Survey Corps.”

Eren nodded his head once in acknowledgement, silent beratements echoing in his head as he quickly scribbled down Erwin’s response and his cheeks colored in embarrassment.

_Way to go, Eren. That’s sure to impress him._

He knew it was silly of him to write down the information he already knew, but he was dying of nerves and writing was the best thing he could do at the moment to ground himself without seeming unprofessional. Don’t judge him. Sighing mentally, he forced himself to look back up at Erwin with his next question, forced smile still plastered on his face.

“You probably get this a lot, Mr. Smith, but how did you get to where you are now? To this level of success many only dream of?”

Erwin cocked a single eyebrow before leaning back in his chair, face contemplative. Eren started to feel apprehensive at Erwin’s silence.

_Damnit, Eren. Get your shit together. Show him that you're not just another fan tripping over themselves to meet him._

He had to keep a cool head and not mess up the only opportunity he had at talking to his hero. His idol.

“Well there’s no single reason to my success, if I’m being honest.” Eren startled out of his thoughts at the sudden drawl of Erwin’s voice. He slowly looked up to see Erwin staring at him as well, eyes still calculating. “But if I had to name one particular thing, it'd have to be my determination.”

Eren went to write down Erwin’s response, but paused. “Determination?” He couldn’t help but ask, voice laced with a curious tone.

“Yes.” Erwin replied slowly, not quite cautious or even patronizing. Something else. Perhaps intrigued as well. “I’d like to think of myself as quite the motivated individual. If I set my mind to something, I’ll achieve it.”

It sounded awfully similar to himself. Eren swallowed at that realization before glancing at Erwin’s face without meaning to. “Oh.”

“Something strike you as particularly interesting, Mr. Jaeger?”

“Kinda. It’s nothing much.” Eren looked up at Erwin, eyes now taking on a searching look, a sharp contrast from his earlier blundering self. “Tell me, Mr. Smith, were you always this determined?” He leaned forward in intrigue, eyes full of childish wonder, notepad forgotten. What did he hope to hear?

_Were you always this determined? Or was it the result of your father’s death?Was that the spark?_

Eren’s thoughts skidded to a stop when he realized Erwin was just like him. The loss of a parent being the catalyst to your fierce determination was a situation he was all too familiar with.

_Not to mention, he has no one. Not one parent._

Though in his case, his mother was the one to die, and his father the one to disappear, while Eren knew it was the other way around for Erwin.

“To an extent. I first had to go through a sort of...epiphany to get to where I am currently.”

_Epiphany? Surely you don’t mean-_

“Was it when your father died?” It slipped out of his mouth, unbidden.

The air got colder by 20 degrees.

_Eren! You dumbfuck!_

He flinched minutely when Erwin’s previously thoughtful eyes hardened into chips of ice at Eren’s careless blurt. Whatever Erwin had thought of Eren before was surely shattered and replaced with a negative impression. Never before had wanted to melt into the floor or disappear from existence as much as he did in that moment. He royally fucked up and he didn’t know how to fix it.

Awkward, and somewhat hostile silence stretched in the space between them, it being more deafening than any yelling could’ve been. He couldn’t stand it. It was too reminiscent of the time after his mother died, when his father acted as if he no longer had a family. Only a dead wife who he had to mourn at the expense of others. Those were some of the most silent and depressing times in his life. He would’ve never made it out sane if it weren’t for Mikasa.

He had heard enough silence to last him a lifetime, and then some; he did not need nor want more. He should’ve known that he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from filling it up with talking.

“I shouldn’t have asked that.” Silence. “ It’s not my right to know.” More silence. “But I couldn’t help but wonder. Because if that was the case, then I had one more thing in common with you.” And even more silence.

But even without looking at Erwin, Eren could feel a bit of the tension seep out of the frigid air. Should he keep talking? Or would he make it worse?

_Shit._

“One more thing in common with me?” Erwin finally asked in a quiet, but stoic way.

Eren gave a sort of tentative smile, though he had a feeling it looked more self-deprecating than anything.

“Yeah. Growing up, all I heard about was the military. Of how important it was. Of how honorable it was to serve your country. I was immediately hooked, you know? As a kid the thought of being revered as a hero for saving my country was something that drew me in. Though I suppose that was stupid of me. There is nothing glorious about the death you face everyday, the psychological scars. Even still, I couldn’t shake that admiration.”

Eren paused, eyes softening a bit. “Then I heard about you. An honored war veteran who started his own law firm and named it in honor of the branch he served, The Survey Corps. A man who refused to be broken by his time spent in the military and instead used his...determination to help others. Helping them in another way when he couldn’t bare to do it the other way anymore. You became my idol. Still are. And when I found out that your father died when you were a child and your mother was absent since your infancy...well, that was something I could relate to.”

He swallowed thickly, his emotions getting the better of him. “I always wanted to join The Survey Corps, but I never seriously considered it. Not until Mom died. She was the reason I enlisted in the army. She died because there weren’t enough bastards brave enough to enlist. So I would be one of the few to do it in their stead. If I couldn’t save my mom, I could save someone else’s.”

“Her death became my reason for trying so hard. For being determined. And if your determination came from your father’s death then...would I...could I ever become as great as you?”


	4. Chapter 3: I don’t try to see what’s kept away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm super sorry it took forever to get this chapter done! I know it was a couple of months!
> 
> The reason is I'm just always super busy and I work on this fic whenever I can, in addition to working on others.
> 
> That being said, no matter how long it takes me, I'll always update :)

_ Levi was right. _ He lamented.  _ Well, at least somewhat. _

Now, he usually prided himself on his ability to read others, to be able to determine how they would act or react in a certain situation, yet here Erwin sat floored by Eren’s admission. It wasn't the fact that Eren thought of him as some idol, many people did, but it was the sheer sincerity in which he admitted, well, everything to Erwin that really got to him. He couldn’t say with absolute certainty that everyone he’s met would be as sincere and candid as Eren had been. And if he admitted that it was admirable of him, it did not hide the fact that he had said something so ill-advised.

_ But he’s young. He has the excuse of being impulsive and brash because of it. Hell, I’m not sure I was any better at his age. If anything, I was worse. _

Truth be told, he didn’t know how to react. On one hand he could understand how youth made one reckless, yet on the other it was not an excuse for asking such an obtuse question.

All of the millions of thoughts running through Erwin’s head were just as stupid and idiotic as Eren had been mere moments before, causing him to disregard each and every one. He couldn’t act as brash or as stupidly as the young man in front of him. He didn’t have the excuse of young age to protect any idiocies he may commit. He had to approach this situation as he would any other--with a calm and cool head.

Except, what are you supposed to say when someone’s basically told you their whole life’s story?

“Yes. It was when my father died. I’m not sure I would be where I am today if it were not for his death.” 

Eren’s head whipped up at the sudden sound of Erwin’s voice, eyes wide with wonder, and he noticed, with some mild surprise, that they were shining with unshed tears. He decided not to comment on it.

Yet that didn’t dissuade him from also noting how Eren took the next few moments to plan his next words. It was written plainly on his face for the world to see. And that’s what caused Erwin to ask if he had not yet mastered his poker face, or did he not feel the need to use it?

“Oh.” He said again, before quieting long enough for the air to become awkward, only speaking up when he realized as much. “I’m sorry for asking.”

Erwin pursed his lips in consideration. Looking at the younger male, his heterochromatic eyes idly striking Erwin the same way they had when Eren first arrived, it was obvious curiosity was gnawing at him once again. He probably wanted to ask a question. Or at least say something else.

And Erwin admired his new trepidation, even if it was a learned lesson.

“It’s alright. It’s something everyone wants to know.” He waved his hand dismissively, though not unkindly. “Even more so considering you’re here for an interview. An English paper, right?”

And just like that, the awkward tension that had been festering between the two of them dissipated into nothing.

Eren finally looked at Erwin with no wariness or embarrassment in his eyes, a ginger smile splaying at his lips even as there was the faintest tinge of pink still on his cheeks. And Erwin couldn’t help but give an almost imperceptible smile at how amicable Eren seemed. A little impulsive and brash, but well-intentioned all the same. His previous overstep already a fading memory.

“Yeah, that’s right. Though, if I’m being honest, we both know my interest is more from personal curiosity than professional curiosity.” Eren gave a small chuckle, a deprecating tone still lingering in it.

_ Ah, so you are emotional. Guided by your emotions in choosing your next course of action, Eren? That’ll get you into interesting predicaments one day. Well, aside from today. I just hope it’s not a bad kind of interesting. You have yet to live. _

“So the English paper was really an excuse to ask me for an interview, was it?” Erwin asked with amusement, mirth dancing in the depths of his ocean eyes.

Eren sighed and nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I can’t lie ‘bout that. When I found out our English midterm was to write a paper on a person of our choosing, I immediately knew I wanted to interview you. Though I don’t know why I did.” He gestured vaguely in Erwin’s direction. “You turn down every interview offer.”

Eren’s face lit up with realization of a new question, brighter than the fireworks on the Fourth of July. Erwin found himself enraptured with the beauty of it, the vigor they conveyed that is so rarely seen outside of childhood.

“Wait…so why did you accept my offer then, Mr. Smith?”

Erwin didn’t answer for a long time, and it wasn’t that he wanted to leave the teenager to simmer in the unknown, but more of that he didn’t quite know how to answer that question. He didn’t quite know himself. Though he felt he had to say something after Eren had been looking at him with curious eyes for more than a minute.

Interlacing his fingers as he rested his elbows on the desk, he felt himself give Eren a small smile that was more a smirk than a grin.

“I guess I was just as curious as you were, Mr. Jaeger. There’s plenty of reporters and journalists who want interviews, but I have to say, you were the first university student to approach me for one. Not a lot of young people are interested in hearing an old veteran’s recount of the war, nevermind older ones either.”

“Which is something that I don’t understand. You and so many others risked your lives for the greater good of humanity, yet they don’t show gratitude, and even go so far as to show  _ contempt _ at the people  _ dying  _ to keep their sorry asses alive. As if you were a burden for keeping them _ alive _ . It’s disgusting.”

That gave Erwin a genuine pause, hearing the vehement edge to his words even as his eyes were devoid of true hatred. Instead there was only fire burning in the depths of his soul, a passionate sheen in his eyes that promised swift action to prove those doubters wrong. It was an attractive trait, he had to admit, but he couldn’t help but wonder how Eren planned on applying his philosophy to the real world.

“Well, they don’t know how it is. They’re sheltered from reality and instead live a life of security because of our efforts. But they don’t know that. You can’t fault them for their ignorance.”

Eren blinked at him incredulously, eyes swirling with indignation and confusion at Erwin’s words.

“Why do you defend them?” It was said quietly, venomously, surprising Erwin as he thought the boy would burst out in anger. “You have every right to be mad, you know. They talk shit all the time about people like you, it’d make sense for you to want to do the same. I wouldn’t fault you for it. Yet you don’t. Why? They deserve it.”

Erwin shook his head civilly, eyes filled with understanding that could only be gained through life experience. “Not really, Mr.-”

“Eren.”

“-Eren.” Erwin repeated without stopping. “They don’t. Like I said before, they don’t know how it is. They’re sheltered. You can’t fault them for their ignorance.” His hand came up to stop Eren from arguing back. “In the end, whatever they say doesn’t affect me, or others in my old position. The government won’t stop funding the military and my firm isn’t doing any worse from it. Let them speak any idiocies they want; they’re only making themselves look worse in the process.”

Eren’s mouth opened before closing, eyebrows furrowing as he really let Erwin’s words sink in, anger melting away like ice in the sun as the words were processed.

“I guess. I mean, I’ve never really thought of it like that, but I still don’t think it’s right, you know?” He shrugged, lips pursed in some emotion Erwin couldn’t pinpoint. Not outrage anymore though.

He decided to shrug, arms moving to cross against his chest. “I do see your point.” After a moment’s silence Erwin spoke again. “What are you majoring and minoring in, Mr. Jaeger?” He was aware that he hadn’t responded to Eren’s commentary, and he saw the surprised expression that bloomed on the young adult’s face as a result of the subject change, but he was curious.

“Uh…?”

“Humor me.”

“Uh, well, I’m majoring in Civil Rights Law as well as Political Science and minoring in English. Currently, however, it’s just my generals right now, as you probably know.”

Erwin hummed, pleased. “All courses to make a knowledgeable attorney. Color me impressed.”

Eren blushed, looking down at his hands as he shook his head. “Ah, thank you, but they’re nothing to be impressed about. I’m sure you have greater achievements, including the classes you've taken.”

_ Modest. _

“Don’t sell yourself short, Eren. Everyone has their strengths and capabilities. I was born into privilege, and as a result, I didn’t have to work as hard for my success as others.”

“Then why did you enlist in the military? If you had everything you needed. You had no reason to enlist, right?” Eren asked, trepidation painted on his face.

Erwin didn’t hesitate with his response, he knew what he wanted to say without even having to contemplate his motives. Though he couldn’t help but pull Eren’s leg along the way. “You should know the answer to that. Well, the correct statement would be that you  _ do _ know the answer to that.”

“Because you wanted to make a difference. Save humanity.” And it wasn’t a question but a statement.

Although it wasn’t quite the truth, Erwin decided Eren was close enough. Close enough from a stranger’s perspective anyways. “Yes.” 

“Can I write this down?” Eren said suddenly, and to say Erwin was caught off-guard, once again, by Eren would make him slightly irritated with himself for being caught surprised repeatedly. What a soldier he was. “I-I mean, I feel like this is stuff I shouldn’t be writing down, but I have a paper to write.”

The blond man considered Eren’s question, brilliant mind processing the millions of possible responses to the seemingly simple answer. He had admitted more than he liked, an impulsivity derived from Eren’s earnestness, and Erwin knew he’d have to work better at his impassivity if he was to help Eren with his paper.

“How about a compromise?”

“A compromise?”

“I filter what you put in your paper, and in exchange I give you more filler content.” Erwin could practically see the confusion in Eren’s bejeweled eyes, contrasting teal and gold irises doing nothing to hide the inquisitive shine to them. So he decided to continue before Eren could ask another question. “Of course you’d have to talk to my secretary regarding days I’m available, but so long as it’s before your due date, I don’t see an issue.”

“Like...like more interviews?”

Erwin raised an eyebrow, curiosity tinged amusement tickling his heart. “Yes. Unless you expected me to tell you all the necessary information in one sitting? That would take hours, wouldn’t it?” And at this the university student blushed, embarrassment coloring his cheeks.

“N-no. I mean yes. I mean-” A pause then a sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m admittedly still trying to find my footing.”

Once again, Erwin found himself appreciating Eren’s honesty, idly organizing his already tidy desk. “I understand.”

And really what more could he say? He was a man of genial conversation, adept at maneuvering the conversation into something light and inconsequential, but the situation was admittedly foreign to him. He had never met a person so uninhibited as Eren was proving to be. Most people tripped over themselves in an attempt to be polite, so it was only natural for them to steer clear of anything that can be seen as offensive. He supposed it had something to do with his service.

In the end a silence had settled over them again, however, this time it was amicable silence, one built on a mutual understanding of the situation and it’s uniqueness. Erwin wondered what the future held in store for him.


End file.
